"Aaaaaaaah!" Garland exclaimed, stretching. "Nothing like the Temple of Fiends in the sum... mer..." Garland trailed off as he looked at the open fields around him. "Uh... I... WHERE THE HELL AM I?"

"This is a fine kettle of fish!" an odd voice behind Garland cried.

"What's wrong with fish, bonehead?" another voice said, apparently offended.

"Shut up, GILLigan!" the first voice retorted.

"Why don't you go off in some crypt and ROT?"

"Why don't you both SHUT THE HELL UP?" a third voice said, this one feminine. "You're giving me a headache!"

"Just one? And be quiet about hell, you know how sensitive I am..." a fourth, more feminine voice said.

Garland sighed. As he was turning around to discipline his fiends, his jaw dropped so hard that it almost fell off. He saw not his four terrible beasts, but a man in blue, a woman in red, one in green, and a skull faced warrior in tattered robes.

"What... in... how..." Garland trailed off again.

"It's that intense time travel that does it, I guess..." Kary, the woman in red said.

"Well, it ain't so bad for you two ladies. At least you got a good figure..." Garland said with a look in his eye that Kary hadn't seen since the last time this happened.

"Figure my tail!" Tiamat, in green, said. "Oh, my aching back!"

"Figure or no," Kraken said seriously, "we have no idea of our powers, and judging by our 'humanness' it doesn't look good."

"Be that as it may," Lich said in his raspy voice, "we need to find out where we are, make up a suitable who we are, and, most importantly, find out when we are."

"In the meantime," Garland said optimistically, "you can use these bodies to your advantage. Just lemme have a little feel..." The next thing Garland knew, he was on the ground, slowly regaining consciousness.

"Pervert..." Kary and Tiamat said together.

"There won't be a conquest," Kraken said, running his fingers through his blue hair. "Not in our weakened state. Being human is such a rude awakening."

"I hate it," complained Kary. "And I hate not having six arms. I kinda like my legs, though..."

"Me too!" Garland said enthusiastically.

"Shaddup, you lecher!" Tiamat exclaimed. "Oooh, I'm in such pain... Kraken, will you rub my back?"

"NO! I'm... no good with my hands, remember?" Kraken said, rather sheepishly.

"I am!" Garland exclaimed. "I'll do it!"

"Yeah right..." Kary said, admiring her own looks.

"Well..." Tiamat wasn't very pleased with the idea of Garland touching her, but she needed a backrub...

* - * - *

Half an hour later, the five started walking. They didn't really know where, but then, how could they? "The world's so different," Kraken said mistily. "I can't make any landmarks out..."

Lich walked slightly behind the others, looking at the ground upon which he walked. He thought, 'Though life is present, it all looks so... dead. What's happened to our world?'

Garland walked, or rather sulked, in front of Lich, kicking rocks, dirt, and small animals whenever he came upon them. "... Aw, this stinks! I can't see any signs of the world we knew! It's like... it all ended and has started over or something!"

Lich said quietly, "I think it has..."

* - * - *

For the next ten minutes, the five walked further north in uneasy silence. Suddenly, Kary cried, "Look, I see something!"

"What is it?" Kraken asked.

"Yes, but what is it?" asked Lich. The creature was black, scaly, and had gigantic, bat-like wings. On the wrists of these wings were prehensile hands with great claws on each digit. The feet of this creature were large, had three digits each, and flat bottomed. At the rear was a tangled mass of tail, plume, and stringy appendages. The creature had the face of death, with long, twisted ram horns protruding from it's temples.

"It's... it's hideous!" Garland gasped, taking a few steps back.

"It's beautiful..." Kary mused.

"It's dead." Lich observed. However, upon further examination, Tiamat found it to be not in the least dead.

"Deactivated, actually," the dragon queen-turned-human said frankly.

"What...?" the others asked in unison.

"It's a machine. A flying robot. Actually a weapon of some sort," Tiamat answered.

"How does it work?" Kraken asked. He looked wary.

"Apparently the power source would be placed here." Tiamat pointed inside the monstrosity's mouth. "We just need a power source..." Tiamat looked around. She picked up a rock that would fit, and held it in both hands. She spoke a few words, and began to glow gold. The rock followed the dragon queen's example. Tiamat's glow subsided, but the enchanted stone still shone. "There!" Tiamat said.

"How'd you do that?" Garland enquired.

"Surely you haven't forgotten our enchanting powers, Master?" Kraken said with mock respect.

Tiamat set the stone in the mouth of the beast. The machine quivered, then sprung to life! Eyes burning red, the monster seemed so lifelike, even Tiamat was taken aback. "What are your commands?" It said.

"Eh?" Kraken said, baffled.

"Alright..." Kary said, impressed.

"Not bad," Lich said, astounded.

"D-d-d-don't eat m-me...!" Garland said, scared half to death.

"Very nice!" said Kary.

"I'm not too fond of heights..." said Lich, longing for Mother Earth below. "But oh well."

"Now let's get that Black Orb and go home!" Kraken said longingly.

"Y-y-yeah," Garland whined.

"You can see so much from up here..." Kary said, admiring the view. "Hey, are those birds?" Several shapes could be seen in the distance, within a great pillar of dust. They were coming from the north.

"they aren't birds..." Tiamat said. "LOOK OUT!"

These flying figures could now be recognized as soldiers, thrown by a giant whirlwind some distance away. One of these soldiers had a direct collision with Garland, and sent him flying off Doom Gaze. He was sent back about fifty yards. When he landed on his head, there was an audible crunch.

Garland gurgled and lay unmoving for several seconds. Then he shouted, "HOW DARE YOU SEND ME FLYING?" Surprisingly, Garland sprung to his feet, apparently unfazed.

"Master! You're all right!" Lich exclaimed.

"Quiet!" Garland snapped. "You there, soldier!"

Surprisingly, the soldier was also unharmed, as were many of the soldiers landing near by. "What?" the soldier asked.

"You deserve a trashing, you pig!" Garland was obviously enraged. With a flashy motion, he drew his Light Sword. "En garde!"

"Uh... okay," the soldier said, confused. He drew his Mithril Blade. Many other soldiers did the same.

Garland chuckled. He knew that these knaves couldn't defeat him. "Now witness my secret technique!" He muttered a few words under his breath which meant, roughly, "Honey muffin cocoa butter." His blade glowed an eerie white, and he started to rotate. The light shot in all directions, colliding with all his attackers.

"He's got 'em!" Kraken said confidently. As the light subsided, only one of the soldiers was NOT left standing!

"WHAAT?" Garland and his fiends said in unison.

"Hmmmmm... My technique didn't work. I wonder what happened? Oh well, I can still knock you all down!!" Garland lunged at a soldier and kicked himself in the stomach. "How did that happen?" he wondered, and soon found himself overwhelmed by sentries.

"MAAAASTEEERRRRR!" Kraken, the ever-loyal, screamed as he leaped from the flying machine.

"Kraken!" Tiamat yelled after him.

"Stop, you silly boy!" Kary warned.

Kraken landed on the head of one soldier, and sprang to kick another in the face. Putting his feet on the ground, he took the soldier by the collar and threw him into three others, knocking them all out. Kraken's eyes glowed blue, and his arms burst into four tentacles, two per arm. Grabbing three soldiers per arm, he squeezed the consciousness out of their bodies. Dropping them, his arms contracted. Four to go. Snatching up a sword, he proceeded to fight with such a vigor that the remaining enemy armaments were in splinters! Breathing heavily, the water fiend took notice of the now gale force winds around him.

"Kraken!" Tiamat screamed. She was inaudible against the whirlwind's scream. In a moment, Doom Gaze, the fiends, Garland, and twenty soldiers were swept up into the spiral of air. "I'll stop this thing! ACK! I've got a migraine!"

The last thing that all involved heard was Lich screaming at the top of his lungs, " I HATE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!"

"How's she doin'?" a familiar voice asked.

"Still asleep..." a second familiar voice said.

Kary groaned. She had wanted to move, but her head felt like a ton of bricks. Slowly, things started to clear up again. She began to stir. "Well well. Looks like she's gettin' up. I could use some rest, too. Oh, my back..." Kary realized that this was the voice of Tiamat. She opened her eyes, and slowly sat up.

"Kary! You're okay!" Tiamat said joyfully.

"We were worried about you..." said Lich, who usually didn't seem to worry about anyone.

"You'd been sleeping for a full day and a half," Kraken remarked solemnly. "Tiamat was afraid you wouldn't make it..."

"So was I," Lich said.

"We all were..." Garland said. He was sitting in a corner. His helmet was beside him, heavily dented where he had smashed down upon it the day before. He was huddling in his purple cloak, stained and battered. He looked totally disconsolate. Kary had never seen her master like this before.

"He's been like that ever since we were caught in that tornado," Tiamat said with a sigh.

"Why?" Kary asked.

"When we were thrown, he took the worst," Lich explained. "He was thrown into the sea, just south of here."

"I had to dive in to get him out..." Kraken said.

"Where are we...?" inquired Kary.

"We're in Albrook," Tiamat replied.

Kary now surveyed her surroundings. She was in a large room with a table, chairs, a clock, and four beds. Noticing that out of the four beds hers was the biggest, Kary proceeded to freak out. "WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH ME?" She burst into tears.

"Not me..." Tiamat said.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT WAS ONE OF YOU THREE PERVERTS!" Kary was almost hysterical.

Kraken and Lich looked at each other helplessly.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT YOU MEN I'LL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN I MEAN NEVERNEVERNEVER-"

"FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD! NOONE'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Garland. He sat in his corner, staring. "I've been sleeping on the floor, alright? No need to have a fit, dearie..." There was a dangerous calmness in his words. "I need some time to myself..." He got up, took his sword, and left. He limped a bit, and stumbled out the door.

"What's wrong with him?" Kary asked.

* - * - *

Garland stormed down to the Albrook Suites' lobby. The manager was happily standing behind the desk. "Ah, feeling better, are we?" he said cheerfully.

Garland looked at the man's happy face. So good at what he does, he thought. He smirked. "Yeah..."

"Care for a little breakfast then, sir?" the well-dressed man asked, trying to overlook Garland's haggard appearance.

"Not hungry..." Garland said distantly, and quietly walked out into the streets.

Outside, the sun was shining, kids were playing, people were walking, talking, and enjoying the day. Garland walked slowly, head bowed, thinking glum thoughts. /Why didn't my ultimate technique lay those soldiers flat? It always worked before. Even the Light Warriors had trouble with it. I just don't understand it./ He sat down on a bench in a back alley, and sighed. He examined the sword which just the last day had shone brightly, now dingy and stained.

"Well, we can't all be perfect," he said to himself. "But it's still humiliating.

"Leave me in peace..." Garland said quietly.

"No!" the small one in the trench coat snapped. "I don't wanna. I was actually thinkin' of robbin' ya. So, unless ya wanna get trashed, hand over all yer precious metals!"

"Precious...?" Garland trailed off. He drew his sword menacingly. "It used to be precious!"

"Yah!" the rotund one cried. "Get him, boys!" The two large men came forward. They seemed to have not a drop of intelligence behind their actions. They approached Garland, but seemed to hesitate when he didn't back down. A few passing pedestrians stopped to see what would happen to the man in purple with the dirty sword.

"Don't make us hurt ya..." a hulk said.

"Ya, er yu'll be sorry..." the other added.

Garland spun his Light Sword on his index finger carelessly. Standing confidently, he tried to stifle a false yawn. As the two men drew closer, he produced a pen and soggy paper and proceeded to write a letter to Santa Claus. Once that was finished, he took a submarine sandwich which had truly lived up to its name out of his pocket and proceeded to eat it in a way that was surprisingly intimidating. All this made one of the tall men so angry, he wheeled back and threw a monster punch. Garland stopped the man's hand, took hold of his arm, and threw him against a wall, knocking him out.

"Hey, come look!" a watching boy called. "Street performers!"

The second large man began to back away from Garland. "Whatsa matter?" Garland asked, smirking.

"H-h-hey man, we don't fight! We just scare people a bit!" the man said nervously. "I wasn't gonna hit ya er nothin'..." He continued to back off, as he saw his fallen comrade begin to slide down the wall.

"Heh heh heh." Garland laughed. "Now witness my secret technique!" He held out his sword and twirled it in the air. As he caught the hilt, he shouted, "Haxtio Ronefxt Amakxsa Ardafxt!" This, as previously noted, roughly translates into "Honey Muffin Cocoa Butter." Brilliant light flowed from the blade in the general direction of his enemy.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" the large man screamed as the light streamed toward him. As the light cleared, the man was seen running down the alley in the direction from whence he came. A large crowd of townspeople applauded.

"He's amazing!"

"He's astonishing!"

"He's... SUPERMAAAAAAAAN!"

"No he isn't..."

"He's not?"

"Well, I suppose he could be..."

* - * - *

Meanwhile, at The Albrook Suites Hotel, the fiends were having one hell of a fight. Well, not really. They were actually trying to decide why it wasn't their fault that Garland did the sort of storming that generally took him out the door. Just when Kary was saying she had a right to be scared of others sleeping with her, they all became aware of the noise outside. "What's that?" said Kary, interrupting herself.

"Let's go see, shall we?" Lich said.

"I hope Master isn't in trouble again..." Kraken said.

The fiends all piled downstairs to the lobby, and would've made it, but they all got stuck. Then they tried it single file. Much better. Lich walked back in. The manager looked up and asked, "Did you enjoy your stay?"

"Yeah RIGHT!" Lich said, in an 'in your face' manner which was quite in the manager's face. "I wouldn't stay in this seedy dive again if my life depended on it!" He did a Garland-type storm which took him out the door. A moment later he reappeared again and said, "Sorry, I don't know why I said that."

* - * - *

"Pretty impressive." the not-so-tall man said. "But I betcha didn't know that I used to be a soldier of Vector!"

"Meaning...?" Garland asked.

"I got my DNA pumped so high you won't know what hit ya! I'm a wreckin' machine!" the little man said, psyching himself up. Garland could tell this guy was really getting into this. "Get ready! AAAAAAH!" The short guy charged Garland, and proceeded to repeatedly pummel Garland's torso. "YAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAHYAH YAH YAH... YAH... yah... y... a... h... whew..." The small guy was breathing heavily, and teetering a lot. "Oog... I'm beat..."

"You stupid," Garland said mockingly. During the entire pummeling, he hadn't even flinched. "You can't punch out someone wearing an Adamant plate!"

The small man looked at his hands. "I can't feel my fingers... ooh..." He took the liberty of falling over.

The crowd applauded wildly. "Great show!" "That guy's been buggin' us for months!" "Great sword trick!" "Bravissimo!" Garland looked down at his feet and found that a sizable amount of money had accumulated there.

Kraken approached Garland. "Glad to see you're feeling better, master!"

"Yeah, me too!" Garland said. "Let's get back to the hotel, alright?"

"Um, well..." Lich said.

"This place looks great!" she said in wonder. Kary was so engrossed in her surroundings that she nearly stepped on a small boy. "Oh dear!" she exclaimed, and picked the tot up. "I'm sorry!"

The child stared at Kary's beautiful face. "Y-y-yer purty..." he stuttered sheepishly.

"Why, thank you," Kary said. "You're a little sweetie, aren't you?"

"KARY!" Lich snapped. "Put that thing down. Honestly... you'll get leprosy or ebola or something!"

"Hey!" Kary retorted. "He's just a kid. He doesn't have any diseases." Lich snorted doubtfully. "You'd better run along, darling," Kary said sweetly. She hurried to catch up with her friends, who were entering an armory.

Inside, Garland stepped up to the counter. "What can I do ya fer, neighbor?" the clerk asked in a friendly manner.

"I need a helmet," said Garland, equally as friendly-like. The merchant proceeded to show his wares.

"Kary!" Tiamat hissed. "What the hell were you doing out there?"

"What?" Kary said defensively.

"That kid...?" Tiamat replied. "Have you gone mad?"

"I was just being nice..."

"Well, don't!" Tiamat snapped.

Garland was disappointed. There were only low-caliber helms in stock. "This is it? That's all?" Garland inquired, scratching his dark-haired head.

"'Fraid so, sir," the friendly merchant replied.

"Oh?" asked Garland, with a glint in his eye. "What if I were to shake your hand like... THIS?" The two performed a handshake far too complicated for mere words to convey. The merchant was quite surprised.

"Hey, yer from the Guild!" he said, astonished. "In that case, take a look at this." The merchant produced a treasure chest. Upon opening this box, Garland found a beautifully crafted, jet-black helm. "I found that there hat a spell ago in a hole in the ground. Don't know how it got there. I call it the Black Helm."

"Nicely made... some kinda crystal..." Garland trailed off. "How much?"

"Well," said the over friendly merchant, "That goes for five thousand gold pieces." Kraken glared. "Uh, one thousand, I meant." Lich growled in his throat. The merchant became very nervous. "Er - I, uh... meantersay, uh, five hundred?"

"I'll take it!" Garland said. He threw down the money and swiped up the helmet greedily. "You guys want anything?" He asked his companions. They indicated answers in the negative. "Weapons? Armor? Hot dogs?" Garland glanced at Kary. "Modest clothing?" Kary gave Garland a complementary "hmph".

"I could use some aspirin..." Tiamat mused.

"Come to think of it," Kraken said, "a weapon might be a wise decision..."

"None for me..." Lich said.

"Actually," Kary said, "I could go for a pair of shoes. My feet are getting dirty."

"Is there a public bathhouse in town?" Kraken asked hopefully.

"OOH! Do ya think they have a sauna?" Kary wanted to know.

"Maybe a hot dog would be nice..." Lich said hungrily. "I'm wasting away to nothing."

"I need a chiropractor," Tiamat whined. "My neck hurts."

"I need some sleep," Garland finished.

Once the five of them partied in Albrook until they realized there wasn't much to do, they returned to their room, much to the manager's surprise. They were more social amongst each other than ever before, much to the other customers' surprise and dismay. Kary flopped down on her bed. "So which one of you perverts is sleeping with me tonight?" she asked, smiling.

"Heheheheheheheeee!" Tiamat giggled. "I'm game!"

"No way!" Garland said. "I thought you were mine!" He could barely stay mock-serious.

"What about me?" Kraken asked, almost fake-crying. Lich was laughing so hard he was sure his head would fall off.

"What's so funny, Mr. Skullhead?" Garland asked. "You wanna fight?"

Lich received a funny punch in the face, which sufficiently hurt Garland's knuckles. "HAHAHHAHAAHAHHA!" Lich did his silly fiendish laugh. "I'm invincible!"

The hours passed in no time, and soon the friends settled into sleep. Kraken took the couch, though for once Kary wouldn't have minded sleeping (in the literal sense) with anyone. They slept, perchance to dream, and for once they actually did. Garland was the first up, right at the crack of noon. He shook Kary awake. "Up and at 'em, beautiful!"

"Heheheheeheeheee!" she giggled. "C'mere, cutie!" She pulled him close, and squeezed his cheeks. "You're so cuuuuuuuuuuute! Cutie!"

"Heyheyheyheyhey!" Garland said, quite surprised. "All right, kids! It's WAKE-UP TIME!" The other fiends treated him to free pillows in the face. "Hey, what is this?"

After eating their continental breakfast, the group discussed the situation. "Alright, what's the deal?" Garland asked, wiping his mouth on a napkin.

"Okay," Tiamat said, producing a crinkled sheet of paper from god-knows-where. "I picked up a map yesterday. We should probably head north, to this place. It's called Narshe. It's supposed to be a big trading power, so there're bound to be people who know about our Orbs there."

"Uh, are you sure?" Kraken asked superstitiously.

"Don't worry, babe," Tiamat responded confidently. "It's on the map, right?"

"Norshe it is!" Garland shouted.

"That's Narshe," Lich corrected.

"Oh... I knew that."

The five attempted to leave the hotel, but once again, got stuck in the door. As they were leaving, the manager said, "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"

Lich got in his face again. "Yeah right! Kiss my bony butt!" He shouted, and leaped out the door.

"What we need around here is a good security system to edit out the riff-raff," the manager grumbled.

* - * - *

Outside, Garland inquired as to the whereabouts of Doom Gaze.

"I parked him just a ways off." Tiamat responded. "I was the only one left on him, ya know." And with that, the four started off.