Chapter 17: Picnic Overlooking ------------------------------- Picnic overlooking, Overlooking our fair town. Picnic overlooking... Listen my children and you shall hear, A wonderful tale of the Moogleteers... What are moogles, you may ask. I'll tell you once, I'll tell you fast. Moogles are short and cute, they kupo to boot. They're furry and white from their head to their toes; They're quite a sight if you really must know. With their antennae ball things, and their fluttering pink wings. Who can they be? Who can they be? They're the moogles, the Moogleteers Three! **** There goes one now! His name is Kulock. A moogle who jams, a moogle who rocks! What does he carry? Why does he run? Why don't we follow? This could be fun... A pig! A pig! Kulock had stolen a pig! So happy he was, he thought he would dance; So happy because he'd taken a chance. He'd stolen a pig! A pig! A pig! A pig! Not large, not tall, not huge, not big. Just an ordinary, oh so ordinary, little black pig. A pig that was short and round with its doleful eyes. A pig he had found! What a surprise! What a surprise! He wanted to dance, to prance, to jig! What a great prize! He'd stolen a pig! A pig! A pig! A pig! But in the midst of his Watusi-like bop, What did he hear that would cause him to stop? The rustling of wind? The shuffling of feet? Was that the butcher? Out hunting his meat? The little black pig grew cold and pale, Remembering the time in the butcher's dark jail. He froze like a trout, no way out. Kulock could hear him lurking around, Making the slightest, the faintest of sounds. The Butcher was searching to and fro, Searching high and searching low. But this piggy was his, so Kulock declared! He'd rescued it fair and square. He needed to hide but where oh where? Maybe in here or maybe in there. The butcher was closing stride by stride. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Nothing to do but turn and fight. This piggy was his and right was right. He drew a line across the dirt, Ready to dish some major hurt. A Wing Edge in hand and his pig as well, Kulock would stand and give 'em some Hell. **** And across the town, away from the fighting, What could be found that was half as exciting? Here was a girl beneath an elm. You probably guessed it, her name was Relm. A girl who loved to draw and sketch, Who owned a dog who loved to fetch. A girl who loved to paint and play. But what was she doing this glorious day? She was rushing and running and hurrying about. Dashing and racing and scurrying about. She was late by a second, a minute, an hour, and some. What was she doing? Chewing her gum? Relm was late. She was late, late, late. She'd kept the moogles waiting. Wait, wait, wait. Why was she late? Why did they wait? The answer was clear and easy to see. Relm was late cause she had to be. She had to paint. She had to paint. Sketches and drawings and landscapes galore Of Maranda, its people, and more. But that's no excuse. It ain't, it ain't She was late by an hour or two or three at least For the Moogleteers' picnic, barbecue, and feast. How rude, how crude, how inconsiderate of her. And how patient and angelic the Moogleteers were. There was really no reason for being so tardy. She was late for the picnic, she was late for the party. She had to hurry. She had to go. Why was she late? Why was she slow? She picked up her paints and brushes and all. No time to idle, no time to stall. Folding her easel, she was ready at last. Maybe she'd make it, if she ran real fast. **** And what of the others? Where were they now? What were they doing? Where, when, and how? Up high on the hilltop, what do we see? A couple of moogles, a he and a she. And look at them do their Watusi-like bop! Twisting and shuffling and jumping around, Skipping and kicking and stomping the ground, Doing a Watusi-mad hop! A Watusi-mad bop, it's easy to do. A Watusi-mad hop, come try it, too! Two moogles there were, a girl and a boy. Watusi-crazed moogles, dancing for joy. Two moogles there were, a he and a she, Dancing and singing and filled with such glee. The boy was Kurago, Dragoon-Moogleteer. The moogle who flew, the moogle who dared. And there's Kurune with her Mysidian Shades. Brother and sister, in a Watusi parade. A Watusi parade! Hooray, hooray! A Watusi parade! Today's the day! For singing and dancing in Watusi grand style, Hopping and bopping mile for mile. For eating and drinking, there's more than enough; Of cookies and cocoa and all sorts of neat stuff. And for games and adventures, the fun never ends; Playing for real and playing pretend. But the party couldn't last, they had to stop. They stopped their repast, their Watusi hip-hop. Kurune stopped dancing, she fell to the ground. "Kupo, I'm tired from dancing around!" But Kurago kept going for a moment or two, Before he stopped also, his face turning blue. "Lali, you're right!" He finally gave in. "Give me a moment. I'm catching my wind!" So they sat for awhile and rested their feet. They rested awhile and sat on their seats. Then Kurago got hungry and wanted a treat. "Lali, I'm hungry. When do we eat?" Kurune hedged and wavered once more. "When the others arrive and not before. They'll get here soon, I'll bet you that. Then we'll eat and that's a fact." Kurago groaned, Kurago sighed. "Lali, I'm hungry," he sadly replied. "Where is Relm and where is Kulock? I'm so hungry, I can eat up my socks!" "Well, eat them slowly. They're taking their time. And why in the world are we talking in rhyme?!" Kurune was baffled as she awkwardly spoke. Someone was playing a horrible joke. **** "They're here! They're here! Isn't that Relm?" Kurago was happy, he tossed up his helm. And sure as can be, wouldn't you know, Came Relm with her paints and her canvas in tow. Kurune smiled as Relm approached, She held back her harsh reproach. "Kupo, Relm! Still not done? And I thought painting was supposed to be fun." "Hello, Kurune. I guess you're right. I'm almost done but just not quite. Painting is fun and painting is hard. It's not as simple as shuffling some cards." Kurune nodded, pretending she knew, Pretending she had the slightest of clues. Why in the world was Relm talking strange? Talking in rhymes, her words rearranged. Then came Kurago with a cookie in hand. He offered to Relm a stern reprimand. "Lali, Relm. You're late, you're late, you're late!" He munched on his cookie. He ate, he ate, he ate. "Kupo, Kurago. Try and be nice." Kurune decided to give some advice. "Relm is our guest, so don't be so rude. And don't you dare talk with a mouthful of food." But Relm stepped in with words of her own, "Don't worry, Kurune. I'm not prone To weeping or crying or other displays. Besides... Kurago is cute in his own unique way." Kurago gasped then stuck out his tongue. "Lali, I'll rip out your lungs! I'm not cute and I'm not nice. I'm a dangerous moogle, cold as ice!" Kurune gagged as well she should. "Come on, Relm, if you would. Kurago cute? Give me a break! He's my brother for goodness sake." Relm only smiled and gave a shrug. "He's cute enough to steal a hug And speaking of which, where's Kulock? Has he been lagging behind the flock?" "Kulock is late," Kurune did say. "Which means you're early in a way." So Kulock was late, but where'd he go? Kurune sighed. She did not know. **** "Lali, lali, Kulock is here!" Kurago pointed down to where A moogle was running here and there, Running closer, running near. "Kupo, he's got a pig!" Kurune exclaimed. "What's he doing, playing a game? Why is he carrying a round little pig?" Not large, not huge, not wide, not big. But Relm didn't care, not at all, Whether this piggy was short or tall, Whether this pig was black or white. This piggy was hers and right was right! A single thought raced through her mind. In one fell swoop, she snatched the swine And shoved Kulock back down the hill. "And take a bath, if you will!" "Lali, Relm, why so hostile?" Kurago smiled a devilish smile. But Kurune gasped in utter shock. "Kupo, Relm, that's Kulock!" "Come on, guys. Can't you tell? Kulock has cast a nasty spell. This piggy here is not a hog. It's none other than my dog!" "Interceptor?! Lali, Interceptor's not a hog. Not a horse and not a frog. I know not what you think you've heard, But Interceptor's not a bird. "Not a fish and not a cat. Interceptor's none of that. Not a goat, not a bear, Not a fox and not a deer. "Want a hint? Want a clue? Interceptor's not a gnu. He's not a goat, he's not a snail. Interceptor's not a humpback whale. "If you really wish to know, I'll tell you once and real slow: What you've got is really cute, It's not a bug, it's not a newt..." Kurune bopped Kurago *POW* "Stop this rhyming, stop it now!" She pushed Kurago to the side. Addressing Relm, she then replied: "Kupo, Relm! What gives? What's up? That's a pig and not your pup." Kurune gasped and closed her ears. There was rhyming everywhere! "Of course, of course, this here's a boar!" Relm sighed out loud then spoke once more, "It's a spell, a spell, an ancient Piggy spell. Read a book, it'll ring a bell... "Long ago when Magic reigned, Back before the Espers came, Mages wore both black and white, Casting spells like Nuke and Sight. "Oh, Interceptor, my poor sweet pup, I'll change you back, I'll fix you up. It's not so hard for one to see, A Piggy spell this has to be." Kurune only rolled her eyes. Why couldn't Relm just realize... "Kupo, Relm, don't you know? Kulock can cast a lot of snow, "He can cast a knife so very far, He can cast a string of shooting Stars. There are lots of things Kulock can throw, But casting Magic -- that's a no." Relm just blinked and blinked again. "If Kulock's no wizard then This pig's a pig and not a dog. What I've got is just a hog!" **** And down the hill and down below, Kulock was mad and did not know, Why Relm had swiped his favorite boar. All he knew was this was war! He braced himself and charged the hill. Closing, closing, getting closer still. And when he reached the very top, He did not pause, he did not stop. And before poor Relm could turn around, He knocked her to the ground. They both fell down, the pig shot out. "Catch that pig!" Kulock did shout. Brother and sister, they both lunged for The scurrying, hurrying little black boar. Kurago jumped and tried to nab. Kurune pounced and made a grab. But the swift little pig just ran right passed, Running quick and running fast, Running to and running fro, The little black pig just would not slow. And Kulock could see that things were bad. That marvelous pig which once he'd had Was now a piggy quite unhampered, Quite a pig who loved to scamper. So Kulock jumped up, He caught his pup, Er...boar. He caught his boar. He simply scooped him off the floor. But Kurune would not stand for this, Things were wrong, they were amiss. "Kupo, Kulock! What is that? Why are you carrying this ball of fat?" And Relm herself had things to say. She started speaking right away: "Listen, moogle. Where's my canine? If you've sold him for this swine..." Kulock just sighed, he could not please.. He gave his boar a heartfelt squeeze. He slowly, slowly spoke his mind, "Down there yonder you will find, "Down the hill and down the slope, In the town and in the inn, Look around and look within. "Interceptor has been ever since I left him at the local vet Very kupo soaking wet. "Your puppy dog is wet with soap. Your puppy dog *was* wet with mud. Now your puppy dog is wet with suds. "And now he's probably getting rinsed. He probably has and hath Already taken quite a bath!" But Relm was not about to fall For such a poor excuse at all. "You have your swine, And that is fine, Though I think it rather small. "But I left my dog within in your care, And now you have the gall to dare To leave him with some local vet? I'm not done with you just yet, I tell you now, I swear. "I'm not mad and I'm not mean. I won't tear out half your spleen. But that's my pup you left back there. Let's get one thing straight and clear; He'd better come out nice and *clean*." And with those words, she turned around. She started walking towards the town, Walking, walking down the hill. She'd keep on walking right until Her one and only puppy could be found. And before Kulock could say a word, Kurago spoke so he was heard: "Kulock, Kulock, this won't jive. That pig of yours is still alive! "Take him back to where you got, Take him back to where you bought This pig who's still not dead... And, lali... bring him back without his head!" "No, no! Kupo, no!" Kulock did yell. "Not a snowball's chance in Hell!" He hugged his pig with all his might, This pig was his and right was right! Kurune too was quite unnerved. "Kurago, shame! You ought deserve To get a bop atop your head For wishing this poor pig were dead." Kurago only cocked a brow. "Lali, what's the matter now? Can't you tell I only jest? I really wish this pig the best. "I will not eat this piece of pork, Not with a spoon, not with a fork. I will not eat him, Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham... "I will not eat them in a house. I will not eat them with a mouse. I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. "I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere! Do you hear me, Sam I am? I will not eat green eggs and ham." Kurune finally had enough. "What's with all this rhyming stuff? Dr. Seuss will sue your ass. You'd better stop it, stop it fast! "You broke the law, you plagiarized. Don't you finally realize? This rhyming's gotten out of hand. Stop it, stop it! Understand?" Kurago quickly pointed out That his sis was round-about. "Kurune, can't you see? You're rhyming just like me, "Just like Relm who just now left, And our cuz whose job is theft. We're rhyming, rhyming nouns and verbs. We'll keep on rhyming unperturbed!" Kurune sighed and finally gave. This rhyming was a tidal wave. She did not cry, she did not fear. The end would soon be here. And Kulock could see it, too. This story's nearly through. He brought his boar to bear. He spoke so all could hear: "This pig's my pig, I'll have you note. The butcher whom I smote Will not have him, I declare. I won this piggy fair and square. This pig is mine, I will not give. The butcher would not let him live. I stole this pig, I won't atone. This pig is mine, my very own." Kurune stomped her foot for show. "This pig has got to go!" "So what's next, kupo? A horse, a cow, a sheep? This pig you cannot keep!" But Kulock was not about to quit. "Can't I keep him, just a bit? I'll wash him, clean him, keep him neat. I'll give him all he'll want to eat. "This pig is great, I'll teach him tricks. I'll nurse him when he's sick. I'll take him for his nightly walks. I'll even teach him how to talk! "This has got to be the bestest pig. Not too small and not too big. He's black in color all about. He has a mouth, he has a snout. "He has two ears, he has two eyes. He's just about the perfect size. He has four paws, And Arkansas! "I know he's not the Holy Grail, But kupo, look! He's got a tail! He's just so cute and fun to huggle. Wouldn't you like to give a snuggle?" Kurune stopped and thought a bit. She had no choice, she did admit. "Give 'im here." She took the pig. "I guess he's not so very big." She pulled undone the piglet's bow. "See this here, it really shows That this pig is not for us. This pig is someone else's trust." She turned the ribbon round and round, Thinking something would be found. But all she found were shades of black, Shades of yellow front and back. She gave the pig a heartfelt look. "I guess your just too cute to cook. Kupo, I really do not know Where you really ought to go. "You're surely not a wild boar. Just who's pig were you before?" Kurune smoothed the Ribbon straight. She wished to decorate. She set the piggy down And wrapped the ribbon round. She tied the ribbon bow, Then she let the piggy go. Kulock was very swift To lift his newfound gift. "I'll give him lots of love and care. I swear, I swear, I swear!" Kurune nodded. Sure, why not? This pig was small and not a lot. And her cuz was happy, that's what mattered. His dreams were dreams she would not shatter. But Kurago did not give a damn. "I've not eaten half a gram All day," he moaned, he groaned, he made a fuss. "I've got to eat, I must, I must!" Kurago feigned to swoon. It was way past noon. "I'm hungry, hungry, can't you tell? I'm not feeling very well.." Kurune only smiled. "Relm's not here, let's wait awhile. She's away but please don't fret. Her puppy dog she's gone to get. And before they had a chance to pause, Relm returned with four more paws. Interceptor nice and clean, Looking cute and looking mean. **** "They're here! They're here!" Kulock declared. Kurune waved, Kurago cheered! Relm and Interceptor both appeared To picnic with the Moogletaires. So they finally came together, 'Taires and Relm and Interceptor, To play some games and have some fun, To party 'til the day was done, To hop and bop Watusi jigs, To eat some treats but not their pig. To have such fun you'd hate to miss. They spent their day in playful bliss. And when the sun did set and sink, Tossing golden hues and pinks, They stopped their play, they did relent. They all began to pitch their tents. The night began like drifting slush. The twilight brought a peaceful hush. The stars came out in all their glory. Thus this ends our moogle story.